Female, 18 , Canada .
Follow me @Nikita_x0 Rejected, used, un-loved.
- Thats about it, this is my blog feel free to follow !
It’s two am and I’m sitting at the table in the dark, writing, and aching for you. In life, people have to make the mistake before they realize they made one in the first place. I myself, now recognize that I have made such a mistake. The thing about me, is that I tend to grow very attached and become extremely dependent on others in a short amount of time. So in the few weeks that I had been talking to you, I failed to realize how much control you have over my emotions, how much your words compelled me, and how with each passing day I grew more dependent on you. It is only now that you’re gone, the true enormity of how much it hurts to be ignored by the person you care about has dawned on me.
I cant remember the last time I felt like I could breathe. I had gotten so used to this feeling of emptiness within me, like a huge gaping hole was in my chest in the place of where my heart should be. But then you came along and told me such beautiful things that aren’t meant for damaged people like me. The truth is, no one ever likes me as much as I like them and that’s it. So from my past experiences I’ve learned to keep my heart heavily guarded, afraid that any more pain will truly break me for good. I had spent so many years trying to micromanage everything that the weight of the world was bearing heavy on my shoulders and yet, with you it was different. Everything felt so real with you. You had this sense of amazement in the world, you had this confidence, and this faith in us, in you, in me, in the world that I no longer had. You made up for everything I lacked.
Its been hard to face reality ever since you left and no matter how hard I’ve tried in these past few days I cant seem to shake the thought of you. I’m sick of checking my phone and not seeing your name. I shouldn’t have been so reckless with your heart. I shouldn’t have let you leave being so sad and confused. I should have told you that I care about you and that we will work it out… But don’t you see? I am broken and damaged. So how can I expect someone to love me when I do not even love myself? I needed the summer to heal my previous wounds, I wasn’t planning on growing attached and Im still not planning on committing. Truth be told, I do not even know what I truly want so how can I expect you to go along with someone as confusing and complicated as me? But the truth is that I need you obviously much more than you need me. Simple as that. No matter the relationship, I need you. You made me feel special everyday and I never realized how lucky I was. I am truly sorry for hurting you, for confusing you.
I need you back.
I’m sorry that I smell like cigarettes and that I’m not with you and some days I feel full and others I feel empty I’m glad that we share the same moon it’s almost as gorgeous as you are dear
it took me time to realize that the sky changes just as quickly as i do so i’m sorry for everything